Thursday, May 21, 2009 13 Comments

Tried running away but caught midway
thrown aside, my pride pried away
swooped to take a flight, foot poised upright
thoughts ran riot but failed to connect.

Weird thoughts washed away the blocks
The brain stem cleared but still raw
felt the nerves starting to gnaw
a hunger tried to hacksaw.

Leave! don't meddle anymore
memories of you, I abhor.
Want to slip away to a world with you
where killing is not considered askew.

Come come I'm waiting for you,
with a gun, bullets loaded new.
If you like a dagger better than a bullet
let me know, I might consider.

Solitude is what I asked you to give
You agreed but started being restive
Let go! I will try not to dissect
though thoughts run riot.


Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard. Google

13 Candles:

Opaque said...

Very disconnected, this one. It is short-phrases put together like some salad.

I am still reading this one.

Viji said...

Oh! is that so? hmmm. may be the first stanza...

I can never hate anyone the way it came out in this poetry. Hence it might look little forced :)

Thank you AJ and I'm sort of addicted to your comments. More than that I have started to expect you to read mine first and comment.

Opaque said...

Hmm, read this several times. Firstly, this is very much unlike you. But, I appreciate experimentation.

And, this is song-like. Nice!

Well, having written all this, I reckon you could express it slightly better than it is. I mean, you could still keep that uncontrollable anger implied by the short-phrased, disconnected style.

There are some obvious errors such as -

"where killing not considered askew"

where killing is not considered askew

"Come come am waiting for you"

Come come I'm waiting for you

I think a few minor touch-ups without disrupting the mood of this song shall make it just fine.

Sorry, you know me, I call a spade, a spade. Nevertheless, no offence meant.

Viji said...

no need to say sorry AJ... I am matured enough to handle criticisms. I truly appreciate you spending your time here.

Will work on this again may be tonight :)

Hey Viji di,

I liked this.

I'll second what Ajey said. I too used to like this. Disconnected words, though I still make this mistake sometimes.

The theme is real good. Can connect to it very well.

Yes, a different one from your gem-pen.

Thank You for sharing.


Anya said...

purinjuchu aaanaaa puriyalai :(

your boss ran away?

or are you planning to kill someone?

is there any code word hidden here for some third world countries?

i am decoding


Anonymous said...

I'm a little confused...

The violence just scared this little kid :D

Viji said...

Rahul :) You and AJ are always special. And I love it when you call me DI, think it's a short form for Didi right???

Thank you Rahul for the comment...yes as I promised will work on this, i have already started to do:)

Viji said...

@chriz he he keep guessing...

After a particularly long day and as you are already aware, I am working on both IST and PST timezones. I felt like throttling someone.
It just came and I typed...didn't stop to analyze it...

My boss is very much there :(
Nope.. I can't even hurt a fly
hidden code and u're decoding... good do that and let me know...

Thanks for droppin in buddy

Viji said...

dear kido... will promise not to frighten you next time :)

as for being confused..i don't have an answer for this one..however i try hard to supply a reply...

Unknown said...

mam,...sry,really am not getting the inner soul of this poem, thing i can guess is that,Ani's "long Tail" might be bothering you more...!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Got it! :)

Viji said...

hi Sundar... "long tail" i can never up with such an apt word to describe him...
as for the poem don't even search for an inner soul...not all my poems are autobiographical..

wisdom comes with experience

At one, I learnt crawling was fun. At forty one, I still feel crawling is fun #blamemykneesnotme