Viji unplugged

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காற்றினிலே வரும் கீதமாய், எங்கள் அதனை பேர் உள்ளத்திலும் அழகாய், மிளிர்ந்து கொண்டிருக்கும் Smt. MS....

Somewhere during my school life, I fell in love with her voice. "ஸ்ரீ ரங்க பூர விஹாரா " and "பாவயாமி ரகுராமம்", later hundreds of her songs added to my playlist.

Keeping this post short.

Have you felt that hunger pang stir, when Tamilians who stay away from Tamil Nadu, experience a South Indian thali, a Keralite experiencing Sadhya in New York, a Gujarati experiencing Mohanthaal or a dokla in Tamil Nadu, a Kannadiga experiencing Bisibela huliannah in Chicago and a Telugu guy experiencing Gonkura at Adelaide. It is easy to relate to your palate and respond to it.

The sweetest of roses perfume, the fresh cologne on a man, the aroma of freshly prepared food, hits our senses and we are in seventh heaven.

But ears, we do not often experience with what it would like to listen. Rarely we treat it with music. Especially soul stirring ones, music that stir nostalgia in us, music that takes us to that other world where there are no disturbances.

Smt. M. S. Subbulakshmi popularly known as MS, is noted for her devotional voice. When you listen to her, you take the shape of a tambura and turn into those strings stirred by her voice. The experience is beyond explanation. You feel like a participant yourself, not just an audience. It is difficult to express, but that's how we will feel. The oneness with her. It feels as if you become her. Yeah! told you right? tough to explain.

This day 100 years ago, she was born and more than that after 100 years, we are talking about her and I am sure she will be remembered after another 10 centuries too...

At times her songs are like gentle breeze that embraces you, at times a refreshing shower, at times a turbulent storm, at times a melancholic stir that triggers tears in your eyes, a joy that has no bounds...

I see her as Meera
I see her as Krishna
I see her as Narayana
I see her as Annamaya
I see her as Sankara
I see her as Kumara
I see her as Thiyagaiyar
I see her as Syama
I see her as Dhikshitar
I see her as Surdas
I see her as Kabir

She remains....

Dear Mas. Mandolin U Srinivas,

Couple of years senior to me, I was following your success right from almost your initial concerts. You were addressed then as Master U Srinivas and till today I recall you with that name.

What happened? Why you decided to leave this early? How can you even think about parting from your Mandolin. The last I heard you was when you played at a concert that happened at Besant Nagar beach.

After Smt. M. S, Subbulakshmi's end, yours affecting me the most. No! I am not switching on the TV to watch you lying out there. Just cannot bear it.

First time I listened to you, it was at Parthasarathy Temple, Triplicane, your Mandolin crooned, I just had to close my eyes to listen to the words. They were so accurate, it was like singing. Marugelara, nagumo, entharo mahanubaavulu, theeradha vilayattu pillai, maithreem bahajatha, kurai ondrum illai, raghupathi raghava, when you played the lines, "kariyavanai kaanadha kann enna kanae? kannimaithu kanpar tham kann enna kanae?" ...."nadanthaanai yethaadha naavena naavae? Narayaa enna naavena naavae... Narayana enna naavena naavae...". Tears flowed through and I floated to another world. chit after chit passed, music after music flowed...we didn't have the heart to leave you and you didn't have the heart to part and when "Pavamana sutudu", played I fell down with a thud. I felt a fierce desire to kidnap this boy and take him home and make him play, little selfishly for me... You can't blame me, I was young too then and it was not hard to imagine you as my Krishna with a mandolin :)

I won't say, I went for all your concerts, not hailing from a musical family, I had certain restrictions at home and couldn't go to sabhas as much as I wished. But, you stayed with me, tucked in a 12 rupees, Takaai cassette and played for me every day along with M.S. amma and later Kadri ji.

I ignored the personal side of your life, though heard about few disturbances there. For me you were a musical genius, and I have seen that innocent smile playing your face all the time and I thought nothing can affect you. (It really hurts to talk about you in past tense)

Do you know that, you were there playing when my son was in my womb and you were there as a lullaby to my son after he was born. You were there at my sad times, I reached out to your songs when I was happy, when I was sad... but never thought I will be hearing you play, during this sad phase of your absence from this world. Listening to you now.

Just can't believe you are dead!

With loads of love,

From your ardent admirer Srimathi..(Yes, I become Srimathi, when I hear you)

It is tough to type, my eyes swimming with tears...

There is a song inside my heart,
Waiting to be sung...
Between my lips and your breath
The words slip; your eyes reading them...

You answered me, through the flicker of your eyes
Million letters rushing to unite,
A silent smile, the words flood inside my mind
I looked, my eyes sighing with sweet
Benign...

Between my lips and your breath,
A thousand violins sung wild and spread,
The lilts dancing under the summer sky,
Our love wild; a throe of unshed rain...

I wait for the world to slip by me,
Unnoticed I wanted to let things free,
Inside a black and white world,
With no colour to add cheer,
I would like to spend my days,
With no great joy or regret that I fear...

Under the tall dark trees, I would take a stroll,
Talking to my shadow that doesn't speak at all...
I would walk, talk and walk some more,
Until I drop, tired and stop eating at my soul.

The bright white shell at the shore,
I picked, admired but decided to throw.
The waves fierce and loud,
Refusing! threw her back with force ..
She lay on the wet sands gleaming,
Waiting for a wayward wave to take her in...

My shadows grew before me,
Another long dark night unveiled free,
I lay down wishing for oblivion,
Where I could vanish and remain hidden...
The moon beam, reached out to unveil me,
I rushed, retraced and hid inside my shadows, cast free...

A taut bow on a violin's string,

Moving gentle and music sprung...

The song like fresh tears,

Flowed untainted, pure and clear.

Words passionate, wild and dear...

Travelled through my heart waiting to be heard,

The words returned from my sleep,

Grand, passionate, throbbing for release.

I held the reins, tight with force,

Fearing my words would scorch your soul,

If I hold back, its not due to disdain,

It's for reasons beyond your soul and its confines.

Sky dusted with freckled clouds,

Moon peeped, overdressed and proud,
Tried pulling the clouds down,
Wanting to rise and shine alone.

Shrugging the hands that tried to hold,
Resisted, shrugged and climbed above,

From yonder, I glanced below,

Looked at you, looking above.

Your hands stretched, calling out,

I looked away, making you crave,

Hurt, you started to walk,

A solitary figure, so alone...

Everyday, I trained my eyes,

To watch you and felt the pride,

Every time, pain crossed your face,

I felt powerful as the pain was caused by me...

When I saw her follow you devoted,

I laughed at the wasted efforts cast on your tread,

Slowly she closed the distance between you and her,

My eyes cringed as she came near.

When you looked at her with interest,

A slow smile creeping on your face,

She neared, holding her hands

And it was all there for you to take.

When you stopped looking above,

When I lost for sure the hold on you,

Helpless! I floated above..

Cursing the law of gravity...

Looked like you whispered to her,

Gently only for ears,

Yet, I heard every word uttered,

My heart crumbled and disappeared.

Night doesn't scare me anymore,
I stepped on the sand and walked to the shore.
The waves sound, deafening my ears,
The wind strong, blowing fierce...

It's unfair your thoughts followed,
Howling at me, through waves and shore,
Closing my ears, I raced to the sea,
To blot the feel of your hands on me...

I sat on the sand as waves tore,
Smashing me breathless, clawing my toes...

I immersed firm on the wet sand,
Waves high slapping my hands...

Not a soul under the midnight moon,
The weird sounds snatching my hood,
I wanted to embrace the wave strong,
It evaded after fighting me long.

I knelt and crawled slowly forward,
Waves pushed me down uncovered.
The anger of being left out,
I rolled inside the sea with a shout...

A giant wave, forcing its way...
Took me in without delay,
My eyes burnt raw like fire,
Another wave burning a pyre.

There inside the sea, without you,
I danced my last song fierce and true,
With a smile, I loosened my robes,
Welcoming the sea to caress every pore...

The breath slammed fast on my chest,
Knifing through my lungs, rushed and sped...
Slowly I felt my eyelids close,
Atlast, my heart is ready to dispose...

I hold my heart to you baby,

Fill it up to the brim,

Fill it raw

Fill it fast

Don't worry that it might drop,

Fill it with whispers of sweet nothings,

Fill it with out any trimmings...

Fill my heart...baby

Fill it up to the brim...

I wanna dance to those gentle whispers

I wanna a swirl and drink the love,

Wanna feel heady, drunk to my soul

Fill my heart...baby

Fill it up to the brim,

Come closer, hold me tight

When love gently spills,

Toast it with delight...

Fill my heart...baby

Fill it up to the brim,

I won't ask you obvious questions,

I won't demand for a reply,

I stretch my heart to you...

Fill it with love,

Fill it with a song,

I will slurp with joy...

Lemme promise that I will share,

The love you filled with so much care,

Let's share a sip between us,

Let's toast for love and trust...

So, pour some more love to my heart baby,

I will top it up with mine,

Let it overflow and flood my veins,

I wanna feel love travel to my brain,

I wanna feel love soften my eyes,

I want you to see, your love reflect in mine...

Fill my heart...baby

Fill it up to the brim...

Fill it raw

Fill it fast

Don't worry that it might drop,

Fill it with whispers of sweet nothings,

Fill it with out any trimmings...

I just had to whisper for you to hear,

You rushed like wind on fire,

The silent hours, we shared between us,

Those lazy strides with meaningless smiles...

Every song reminded me of you,

Love anew, passion unbridled and true,

Every hour spent quiet,

A wild song thrumming inside...

Every touch of yours singeing my insides,
Your breath on my body filling the voids precise,
The trails of kisses you left on me,
Made me weak, craving to get free.

Your hands on me memorizing every curve,
I let you free, to roam everywhere,
The passion that burnt us alive,
Made us forget the rules that reigned.

When we woke up at the strike of dawn,
Settled to break few more norms,
Your hands clasping the hands of mine,
My ring gleamed promising better times.

There are words unspoken within my heart,
Can you hear their whispers through the dark?
A song so soft you often miss to listen,
A song so fresh within your heart's reason...

It blooms as your thoughts strides,
Wafts like a fragrance undenied...
I am as easy as a baby's breath,
As cool as mountain's breeze.

Like the dawn that eats up the darkness,
Like the dusk that blankets the brightness,
Like the gentle sweep of the sky and sea,
You spread through the insides of me...

Like the shore that lays next to sea,
Like the breeze that sways the trees,
Like the feather that glides smooth,
My thoughts are here to stay with you...

Those deserted corridors, I walked not fast,
Bright classrooms, empty and vast...
Huge blackboards inked with chalk,
The dreams of toddlers forgotten but marked.

Those cheerful posters of Sun, God and Moon,
Decorated the walls of those dusty rooms...
Every step I took, heard few silent ones steep..
Every corner I peeped, a hidden giggle leaped...

The school bell, I wish to ring,
Wanting to see those kids flood in..
Those cheerful, lovely children gliding inside,
Full of whispers, laughter and pride.

Parents waving their children bye,
Wards planning for those little lies...
Praises or punishments taken alike,
Those tiny little eyes, shine to rise...

Teachers planning for the day's lessons,
Kids await not so patient,
They dodge, they play, they learn and have fun,
They wager, they lose but gain in the long run.

The deserted school not so deserted,
I just have to close my eyes to hear the chatter...
Every stone tells me a story,
I love to listen the now forgotten glory.

If I have hands, two storey long,
I would hug and hold the building strong,
Those invisible tear stains seen on the walls,
I try wiping through this sodden song..

Wish I could revive, the fallen pride,
Wish to raise the mast back and straight,
The silent words screaming loud,
Closed my heart and walked not so proud...

When I look at your eyes,
The wild depth calling out to take a dive...
If I can find a way to lose myself in you,
My heart may wanna a sing a song for you...

Many a miles I would strain,
To watch you gimme your lovely smile.
Oh! Baby when I see you smile,
Am breathless as if I ran a mile,

Let's live for tonight,
Let's live for this hour...
Let's live for all the nights to come,
Let's live forever...

See how beautiful it is,
Waking up and find the other asleep,
It's so easy to be together,
Why spend time away from each other?

Every word you spoke once,
Echoed in 'my voice', dull and spent..
The empty lines of a love song,
Sung plain and painfully long...

The sparkle in your eyes slowly died,
I did try to revive, with all my might...
Yet slowly it died...embers dying..
Yet slowly it died....ashes flying...

If there is a way, to match your stride,
If there is a chance to see our love alive,
If it is possible to revive the song,
If it is possible to reignite the calm...

I refuse to give in this time..
Choosing to walk away with memories unkind.
Let me remain a soul that failed,
To patch the broken song alive....

Piano looked grand and the black and white keys looked so inviting and whenever I got a chance, I never hesitated to run my fingers and press keys in random and those blaring notes were music to my ears and with a flourish like Tom and Jerry, I end my show.

But, that was before I started to take lessons for playing Piano. As a beginner, I am writing this post. This journey made me ecstatic at times, frustrating many a times and there were times when I sat before my Piano and wondering exactly like the man in the picture with a stupefied expression not knowing which key to touch. I used to stare at the sheet before me and I was told that all those musical symbols, we've seen on CD racks has meanings and that too complicated one at that. After 21 years, I started doing my homework, classwork and practicals and tests too.

There are loads of notations for almost everything. Whenever I raise my right hand to eat, I see it as "Treble clef", the lovely symbol that we see everywhere... the symbol that always attracted me towards music. Now left hand is altogether different, the symbol actually matches my doubts... 'a question mark followed by a 'colon'. I seriously contemplated of having two tattoos on both the wrists of my hands. Right is Treble clef and left is bass clef. But, it got trickier. Not just hands, every finger had a name/letter. Since, I started with my right hand, I am quite confident and comfortable playing with right. Left hand is little awkward for me. I kept addressing my left Index finger also as D instead of B and got confused if G comes before F? It does when I play those keys. If I am logically sound, I shouldn't have such doubts as there is another octave before and it starts with a C and G comes after F :O Now! now! don't leave yet... please... I didn't even start on semi breve, minim, crotchets, quaver, semiquaver, dotted minim, dotted crotchet, stave, time signatures and Rests... rest is taking pauses while playing and they have notes too... :O

Let's not get too technical, as it is tough on me as well :) In short instead of having two tatoos, I decided to tatoo every finger with the letter they denote. But, to my horror, I realised that there are 88 keys and seven octave plus. OMG! now should I ask someone to lend their hands? not practical. So, I decided to follow my teacher methodically and I was so attentive at times, the keys and the sheet which held musical notes zoomed in and the rest out of focus (including my teacher). Zooming in always have problems. The note becomes big and I end up pressing one and half a key instead of one. But, I really really admire her patience, there are times when I clearly read notes wrong or start with a wrong hand.

All said and done, I did finish my first book and now play around 20 nursery rhymes and vande mataram and learnt to play "thandavam" theme music. Am I happy? Yes, I am very much. But, is my teacher happy? She says she is happy and I trust her words. I end this post, in an optimistic note that I would laugh my heart out when I read this post after a year. If I don't then I will silently delete this post.

When you walked down that path,
Tra la la la la...
The music didn't stop,
Shakalakaaa...

With a swig I started to walk,
Ma legs begging not to stop...
Wanna a dance that lazy dance
Wanna a try that naughty step
Wanna hug those crazy hips,
Hang around like a naughty witch...

If you gotta temme something...
Temme before the sunset,
Temme before the sea turns yellow,
Temme before your face turns silhouette...

Wanna see your eyes dance,
Wanna see your lips draw,
Wanna memorize your every expression,
Wanna earn how to hide emotions...

When you walked down that path
Tra la la la la
The music didn't stop...
Shakalakaaa...

Begging you not to stop
Begging you not to halt
Begging you to stay tonite...
Begging you to be kind.

Gotta watch those ruthless hands,
Gotta hold it firm and strong,
Gotta keep a watch on the clock,
Gotta keep the doors locked...

What if I refuse to let you go?
What if I wanna follow you close?
What if I wanna try another step?
Would you teach me till the world rests?

Let's dance the night's dance,
Let's not halt our passion's trance...
Let's join the chorus of nite,
Let's turn wild and not so right...

When you walked down that path,
Tra la la la la...
The music didn't stop...
Shakalakaaa...

Every time I let my thoughts roam,
I wince as it rakes your name,
So very gently, the music plays,
Silent tears slip on its wake...

It's hard not to remember,
The smile wide and bright,
Those little crinkles below your eyes,
Your head slanted to your right.

The short walks we took,
The short tunes we hummed,
Your voice music to my ears,
Passed quick as I feared.

Those lyrics, I wrote for you,
The night when we parted not so sure,
My arms wishing to hold you tight,
My heart refusing to hear your plight...

Heard your gentle whisper behind,
Every fibre tried in vain...
Tears finding their way down,
Brushing it hasty, wiping the frown.

Those steps behind me halted,
Waiting for me to turn undaunted,
Walking away those few steps,
Heart trapped, yet refused to give up...

I realised, I love you more,
More than anything that I owned,
Heart lurched and jumped to flee,
The distance between you and me...

There were times, when we were oblivious to the world outside,

When the world blurred around us,

Just you and me inside a bubble

Wherever we were, we made it our home

The knack of forgetting everyone, but us...

The beautiful memories etched like a painting,

Creating masterpieces and we never count them...

Few black and whites, few vibrant colours

Loads stacked in our mind and still getting added...

It is beautiful, when I slowly searched the attic,

Neither a speck of dust; nor a dull moment,

Memories as soft as a feather, caressed my heart,

Smiled as I felt every stroke,

The tip of the feathers... Oh! too gentle...

Mesmerized with every stroke, to and fro...

Music raining a song inside,

Soul raised to dance and glide,

When I called out your name,

A resonance, that reverberated

Flowed, joyous and wild...

Like gentle ripples and morning dew,

Like drops of water on a parched throat,

Like an Oasis on a desert route,

You happened and I found me too...

Music in the silence of your smile
Harmony as your eyes alite,
My heart beat as your music unfold,
The soul dances for your story untold.

Sing your song, singeing my veins and thaw,
Play! play! lasting for an eternity strong.
Play during dawn, play till dusk,
Drive away the Sadness, sorrow in check.

Any heart would want a reason to live,
You sing and my heart take a flip.
I have a wish, to hear you sing,
Eyes hooked and raised to plunge.

Viji unplugged

Smt. M.S. Subbulakshmi - "Innum oru nootrandu irum"

Mandolin U Srinivas - the divine krishna with a Mandolin

Between my lips and your breath...

Do I exist?

Gentle music

Greed

An insomniac's rest

Crazy crazy love

A prayer for tonight...

My last song...

A walk on the corridors of a deserted school....

Let's live for tonight...

Broken Song

The story of my experiments with Piano

Shakalakaaa...

You are missed

Gentle whisper

Rhymeless rhythm

Music in the silence of your smile...

wisdom comes with experience

Viji Suresh

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