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Asha's wedding on 2nd September 2012.

You know what it means... a fortnight of selecting, discarding silk saris. A week of browsing through the jewel case, hunting jewels that would go with the saris, having in mind and selecting carefully... What if the relatives would recollect me wearing that Sari, at my other niece's wedding that happened couple of years back.

Mom behind trying to deck me with gold that I detest wearing. Why not silver, my young little heart refuses to understand :-( and she is not happy with a chain or just a choker. May be she feels that I deserve this punishment for all the jewels she gave me for my wedding.

Hurriedly trying to colour the grey hairs. A quick visit to the beauty parlour. Ah! forgot to add the trip to Athreya, Nungambakkam a month before to stitch blouses for silk saris, turning a blind eye, to the fact that size of the blouse has increased at least 5 inches and paying double the cost of the Sari. What more? Free advice from the sales woman, who refuses to see your point and is very candid and opines that the design you chose for the blouse would look good on the model but not on yourself as you are fat. "You have those 'tyres' on your hip mam... not one but two" she added. "So, let's make the blouse longer that way we can hide them." There was this other sales girl who disagreed with the other woman and felt that, I should flaunt my fair skin and it is a sin if I don't. Your husband standing next to you with a smug smile, you truly wish the ground he stands, opens up and swallows him.

Now... Who is Asha? She's my niece. Little girl whom I remember seeing, the day she was born and fair beautiful angel with a beautiful pink birthmark above her lips. She looks even more beautiful and getting married to my handsome, brand new would be nephew-in-law, Kali. God bless the happy couple!

PS: The photo you see here is taken today, when we are trying to choose the saris...

Let me know if you are interested to know, what I am planning to wear for Asha's nichayathartham, her Jathakarnam namakarnam, her reception, her oonjal, muhurtham...I will write another post on this after the wedding... till then folks...

Forgot to add, Suresh and I got married, the same day 18 years back...

Seetha kalyaana vaiboghamae; Rama kalyaana vaiboghamae....

I called this play of mine and labelled it as a Tamil wedding. I started it as a play and wanted to write it as a light hearted humorous play, while it became a traditional and emotional one. Can't help it! I love weddings and everytime I attend a wedding, I end up with tears in my eyes.

Disclaimer: Everything stated in this play is truth and truth only. In case if you have any doubts in this, you can drop in to "My best friend's wedding" in Guruvayoor and yes, it's going to happen in a Tamil Brahmin way and yeah! you can witness the Scene 9 too.

Just wondering, where he starts and where she ends? Don't they look like a glued pieces from a jigsaw???? I can't love them enough! God bless!

Manoj and Yamuna are getting wedded,
This December 12th with pomp and grace...

The day has come, as it stands in good stead,
Let's witness their joy and tranced state.

Let's toast for their health and happiness,
Let's cheer for their unlimited fun...

Let's cry a little when they tie the knot,
Let's smile when they fumble for words...

Man and Wife and smiles all the while...
I couldn't be happier, they are friends for life...

Wishing them more happiness,
Wishing them more fun.

Wishing them loads of sunshine,
Wishing them cold nights...

If love can be measured
with a yard stick or tape,
I would say theirs would
make the tape fade...

Let's chill out at Kerala
For Breakfast, lunch and Dinner,
Hop in in the next train, and I promise,
Manoj, will meet you at the train...

His Invite for you:

Scene - 12

Sidd, held Swetha's hand and guided her to the wedding panthal (Stage), the nadhaswaram and thavil thundered and every face wreathed with smile, looking at the happy couple.

Kitta mama, along with his disciples started to chant vedic mantras. The Agni in the avabasanam (the brick stove, where flames are lit and ghee was added to keep it aflame) hurt Sidd's and Swetha's eyes.
Swetha's wedding sari (Koorai pudavai) was given to her by Venu and Priya and was led by Harini to assist Swetha in changing to the traditional nine yard sari.

Aunt: Girls, don't forget to sing "varanam aayiram", while tying sari...
Geetha: Swetha, get in fast! the auspicious time to tie the thirumangalyam(mangal sutra) is nearing.
Priya: Swetha, my sister, your aunty is a pro when it comes to tying 9 yard sari... take her with you.
Swetha: Ok, aunty

Inside the bride's room:
Swetha's friends were found holding a screen, Swetha's aunt grabbed the screen and threw it away...
Aunt: If she is shy amidst women, then how she is going to feel when she is alone with Sidd or when she would give birth to her child. First thing Swetha, shed your shyness...
One person was seen dragging her sari, while other held her long plait.

Aunt: Swetha! let me teach you how to wear this... Tie it the way I say, so that you will not need assistance next time.Harini, the way you are eyeing Praveen, I am sure your wedding will happen soon too.. so you too learn.
Harini: (Blushing) Nothing of that sort. I want to stay a spinster. But I am eager to know how to ties our traditional sari.
Aunt: (smiling) Girls! sing Andal varanamayiram now...
At the back ground:

vAraNam Ayiram SUzha valam Seidu
nAraNan nambi naDakkinRAn enRedir
pUraNa poRkuDam vaittup puRam e~ngum
tOraNam nAttak kanAk kaNdEN tOzhi nAn

Aunt to Swetha:
Step1: Wrap the saree around the waist with one end of the saree on the right and the rest of the saree on to the left.
Step 2: Tie a knot firmly around the waist towards your left side with the two portions of the saree.
Step 3: Gather the saree near the waist.
Step 4: Tuck a bit of the saree in (near the right side of the waist)
Step 5: Pleat the saree from the end tucked to the waist Step 6: Tuck the pleats to the waist firmly.
Step 7: Fold the rest of the saree to 4 or 5 folds, each fold measuring 3/4th of the hand
Step 8: Bring the pleated portion behind, gathering the folded saree between the legs
Step 9: Arrange the folds properly.
Step 10: Tuck them firmly at the back.
Step 11: The rest of the saree is brought to the front from the right side.
Step 12: Make a small tuck in the front to make sure the saree is firmly around the waist.
Step 13: Gather the rest of the saree.
Step 14: Wrap it on to the left shoulder.
Step 15: The rest of the saree falls on to the back.
Step 16: Bring the end of the saree around the waist and tuck it on to the left side

Harini: OMG Swetha! you look lovely... I am very happy to have your for my sis-in-law
Swetha: Harini, I should say Praveen is lucky ;)
Sripriya: Hurry up, Swetha! just 15 minutes left for the auspicious time to end...

Swetha opens the door and looked at Sidd, Sidd couldn't take his eyes off Swetha...
Iyer: Sidd
Iyer: Sidd
Iyer: Siddddddd
Sidd shook his head and said "Yes"
Iyer: Pour this ghee in the homam (flame)
Sidd looking at Swetha, poured the ghee and got his fingers singed by the flames...
Sidd: Ouch!
Swetha giggles

Iyer: Swetha now sit on your father's lap.

Iyer places the mangalyam in Sidd's hand and asked Swetha to look Sidd's eye.

"Ketti melam ketti melam" (nadhaswaram and thavil started to play)

Iyer:
mAngalyam tantunAnena
mama jIvanA hethunA
kaNThe: badhnami subhage! sanjIva Sarada: Satam
(meaning: This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this around your neck, O maiden having many auspicious attributes! May you live happily for a hundred years (with me).

Sidd tied the sacred knot on Swetha's neck and every one had tears in their eyes...

Nadhaswaram played:

Anandham anandham anandhamae
paramanandham anandham anandhamae

Sri ramanum manamagan aanarae
namma janaki manamagal aanalae
vandhavarkum parthavarkum aanandham
Seedhaikum ramanaukkum aanandham
naam seidha pooja palamum
endrae palithadhama

Anandham anandham anandhamae
paramanandham anandham anandhamae

People started to shake hands with the bride and the bridegroom and the photo session started.

Scene - 11

Location: At the entrance of wedding hall
Sidd and Swetha were made to stand near oonjal and the traditional Pidi Suthal was about to start.
Aunt: Geetha, Is everything ready??? 3 brass vessels, 3 small brass pitchers, 3 brass diyas, one big brass plate, milk and aarthi...
Geetha: Everything is ready.
Aunt: OK... now you can start the pidi suthal
(Pidi suthal is a ritual in Brahmin weddings, where cooked rice in various colours, red, yellow, white, with milk and aarathi, was kept in a huge plate and 5 married women, take little in their hand and flick their hands in a wide orbit before the young couple, thrice to the left and thrice to the right and throw them down, this is done to ward off the evil. After this ritual, aarathi(red water - mixture of lime, haldi, and water) also is taken and they pour it in such a way that it stains the dhothi and sari of the bridal pair... Then start the unjaal - swinging of bride and the groom)
Steve: (Clicking photographs) Hey! what's happening? Looks like women cricket, I could see these elderly aunts, swinging multi coloured balls.... but one thing I don't understand, is how does this all connected to a wedding. It looks like they are all having fun at the expense of the newly weds.
Aunt: You don't understand anything, son... Everything is done for a reason...
Steve: Can you explain, aunty?
Aunt: There are evil spirits everywhere, just waiting to catch hold of us, just to ward them off, we are using these coloured rice..These are holy colours and the evil spirits is scared of all these holy colours and they will not come near us. It's like you people holding cross to save yourself from Satan...
(Now, Steve started to understand and he smiled shaking his head vigorously, aunty grinning turned to arrange for the next ritual. Sidd and Swetha were seated in a swing and 3 or 4 kids from both the family also sat next to them and they were seen gently swaying the swing and the elderly women and the young girls started to sing)

Chorus:

Kannoonjal Aadi yirundaal
Kaanchana Maalai Mana maghizndaal (Kannoonjal)

Ponnoonjalil Poorithu Bhooshanangal Tharithu
Eswara naaridathil Aasaigal Romba Vaithu (Kannoonjal)

Asaindhu Sangili Aada Isaindu Taalangal Poda
Ugandhu Oorvasiyaada pankaja valli Kondaada(Kannoonjal)

Utthami Petra kumari Nithyam Sarvalangaari
Padhmathala Oyyaari Padhma mukha Singaari (Kannoonjal)

Kitta mama: Sidd hold Swetha's hand

(As if waiting for that, Sidd held Swetha's hand tightly and slightly pinched her palm, Swetha her face warm, smiled and lowered her head... Sidd was falling more and more in love with Swetha... Kitta mama, swinged a coconut with a lit camphor on top of it and Steve was surprised at the way Kitta mama swinged the coconut with the camphor, flame intact and dashed it on the floor and in one go, it was smashed to pieces. Steve's mouth formed an :O)

Scene - 10
Location: At the entrance of the wedding choultry

Sidd walked fast, with a small bag in his hand and reached the entrance of the wedding hall.. People were seen running behind him...Praveen holds an umbrella for Sidd.
Mohan: Please Sidd! Wait!
Sidd: Leave me alone! I wanna leave... I just realised, I don't want to get married....
Mohan: Please, Son! listen to me...
Sidd: No! I have decided.. I am not listening to anyone.
Praveen: Sidd! I beg you!
Sidd: Praveen! excuse me.... From being Brahmachari(bachelor), I realised I want to become a Ascetic (Saint). I don't want to enter in to Grihasta (Married man)
Steve: (Panting)What is happening, why is Sidd running with slippers, umbrella, fan and Staff?
Iyer: Mr. Steve, it is a ritual...Now, Mohan Iyer vaal say this to Mapilai(Bridegroom)
Iyer: Repeat after me, Mohan...
Mohan: Tell me.
Iyer: Mapilai
Mohan: Mapilai
Iyer: Every man has to undergo 4 types in life... Bala(kid), Brahmacharya(bachleor), Gruhastha(married), Barnyasya (living a simple life along with wife in a forest) ...
Mohan: "Every man has to undergo 4 types in life... Bala, Brahmacharya, Gruhastha, Barnyasya"
Iyer: Married life is far superior than the Ascetic life. You will get hundred good sons and daughters to right this world..
Mohan: "Married life is far superior than the Ascetic life. You will get hundred good sons and daughters to right this world.."
Friends Chorus: Sidd! Wow! double century or triple?
Sidd: (Blushing): Keep quiet...
Steve to friends: What is happening?
Friend: Sidd is planning to have 100 good sons and daughters...
Steve: What?? Hundred? (Calculating) He should plan for twins or quadraplets then.. (smiling to himself) Now I know the secret behind India's population..
Sidd: Ok Ok! stop it...
Iyer: Now, Sidd... Say "fine uncle"
Sidd: Fine Uncle...
Iyer: Now both side uncles come here... get the bride come to the entrance...
Uncles come forward...bride came to the entrance... Swetha looked like an angel, she was wearing a beautiful golden and red sari. Sidd couldn't take his eyes off Swetha.. Swetha looked at Sidd and she smiled. Sidd fell in love then.
Iyer: Here both of you hold two garlands each and now three times you should exchange the garlands...Swetha's uncle you carry Swetha on your shoulder. Sidd's uncle, you carry Sidd on your shoulder. Sidd's uncle tried but he couldn't, while Swetha's uncle carried her...
Praveen and Harini stood eyeing each other, in their minds another day and they both standing in the place of Sidd and Swetha...

Women folks started to sing:

Maalai saathinaL kothai maalai maatrinaaL
maaladaindu madilarangal maalai avarthan maarpilae
maiyalai thaiyalaL maamalar karaththinaaL...poo..(maalai)

Rangaraajanai anbar thanga nesanai
Aasi kooRi boosarargal pesi mikka vaazhthida
Anbudan inbamaai AanDaL karaththinaL..poo..(maalai)

and the nadhaswaram party joined the song... When Sidd rushed to garland Swetha, Swetha's uncle went back and everyone started to laugh...when Swetha rushed to Garland Sidd, Sidds friend's pulled him back... Sidd ran, jumped and garlanded Swetha and Swetha's uncle here and there and everyone laughed and looked happy...
Steve: What's the meaning for all this?
Iyer: This is like an ice breaking session in arranged marriage. The exchange of garlands symbolizes their unification, as one soul in two bodies.
Steve nodded, it was beyond him...

Scene: 9 Bridegroom's bathroom

Chorus:

"Sita Kalyana Vaibhogame
Rama Kalyana Vaibhogame

Pavanaja Stuti Patra Pavana Caritra
Ravi Soma Vara Netra Ramaniya Gatra

Bhakta Jana Paripala Bharita Zara Jala
Bhukti Mukti-Da Lila Bhu-Deva Pala

Sita Kalyana Vaibhogame
Rama Kalyana Vaibhogame"

Sidd woke up to find, 5 to 6 middle aged woman standing in a semi circle ?singing "Sita Kalyanam"...It was like 100 scorpion stinging at a same time... It was like 30 little elves hitting his head from inside with their hammers. He held his head and one of the aunties pulled his hand, saying that he should not hold his head on an auspicious day.

Sidd sat up with a start.

Sidd: I am getting married today.
Aunt: What happened, Siddarth? you thought it was a dream... common! get up, we need to put "Nalangu"( a ritual, where vermillion and turmeric is applied for the groom/bride on their legs and gingelly oil applied on their hair and take them to the bathroom to give a bath.)
After Nalangu...
Sidd: Where the hell are you guys coming now! Move away! I need to take bath...
Aunt: What? We need to give bath to you... Purohit is waiting inside the bathroom.
Sidd: Purohit?? I will wait... Let him take bath and come.
Aunt: No..No! he is waiting to do some rituals there in the bathroom, he had done special pooja for a pitcher of water and is waiting for you to give you the holy bath..
Sidd: (Aside) Crazy lot!
Sidd: Ok! Am coming...

Sidd was dragged to the bathroom and got more shocked to see Purohit Viswanatha Iyer and 4 of his disciples chanting vedas and Steve with his camera, waiting to capture the moment. His mom and dad were also standing there.

Aunt: Priya! you have to invite Geetha and Venu, tell them that the boy is taking bath... and girls be ready to sing "Gowri kalyanam"...

There was lots of commotion outside and the video cameraman and the photographer came in and went inside the bathroom. Sidd was speechless and he stood like a statue. He blinked, not knowing why so many people were standing there inside the bathroom and how he was supposed to take the bath with so many people standing inside.

Viswanatha Iyer: Hurry up! the auspicious time is nearing to take bath.

Sidd entered the bathroom and he was made to sit on a chair and there was one disciple, who tried to snatch Sidd's dhothi.

Sidd: (holding on to the Dhothi) shouted, "What you guys are trying to do? Have you planned to humiliate me? leave me alone, please!

Iyer: Siddartha, this is a special day in your life and it is not going to come again. Enjoy the day and follow the rituals, it is all for you good only.

Chorus: Sidd, listen to what Iyer says.

Sidd sat there, helplessely when the last vestige of his pride was removed and he sat there like a child on his first day of school. Camera's clicked and videos witnessed the event.

It was at the moment, Sidd let out a curse"what the f ?" when the pitcher of ice cold water was downed on his head... He was speechless with rage and couldn't do a thing about it. He got and sat immediately realising he was almost naked except for a drenched loin cloth and a dozen woman and dozen men staring at him. He flushed and could hear his friends laughing outside the door.

Chorus:

Gouree kalyaaNa vaibogamae (gouree)
Vasudeva thavabaala asura kulakala
Sasivadana rukmani sathyabhama lola(gouree)
Kothodu vaazhaimaram kondu vandu niruthi
Amman koppudaiya panthalukku mael kattu katii(gouree)

Now Sidd was dragged to the adjacent room to dress..

Iyer: Sidd, remove the wet dhothi. I will tie you the new one.

Sidd: (knowing it was meaningless to argue did what was told) Ok...

After 30 minutes, Sidd was ready. He wore a silk Dhothi and his upper part of the body was left bare and ashes adorned his face, neck, shoulders and hands. A new sacred thread adorned his chest.. Sidd wished that he had gone to a gym.

Steve, pushed everyone and clicked photographs... He felt overdressed among the priests and males guests present there.

Steve: (Aside) No wonder, these people are tanned!

Scene: 8

Location: Penthouse apartment facing the sea

Sidd, dressed rather under dressed, eyes full of dreams and expectations, headed to his stag party. His only thoughts were on booze and "something something", fun and frolic with this friends.

Sidd parked his car under a tree and hurried towards the lift of one of the premium apartments in Chennai. The party was arranged in a penthouse apartment of his friend's friend, facing the sea. It was a beautiful night full of stars and Sidd shivered as the breeze was little cold. He looked at the sky, filled with Stars and he remembered the last scene of Titanic... He shook his head, wondering why was he remembering a tragic moment, when exciting things await him.

Sidd enters the apartment.

Rings the bell...

The door opened and with a readymade smile, Sidd stepped in....

One moment he was standing the next he was lying on the floor and on top of him was a woman clad in a designer saree, kissing his neck... Sidd froze and tried to shift himself, to have a better look at the girl, but the room was semi dark and the expensive french perfume incensed him and for once he was speechless.

Sidd closed his eyes and opened it again to be blinded by powerful beam of light...

Sidd: Damn! the light hurts... switch it off, you idiots!!! Let me enjoy the moment....

Chorus: Enjoy Machi! Enjoy! But open your eyes, see the figure(woman) and you will enjoy more...

Sidd opened his eyes to find the woman on top of him was clean shaved and none other than the best man of the wedding.

He cursed and hit his friend amidst laughter and teasings... then the usual tradition of boozing, teasing and pranks continued and they slept.

Sidd woke up with a throbbing head. He drank water and stood at the terrace and thought about the evening. Swetha's face kept coming to his mind and he was not very happy at the way he behaved during the party.

He recalled her blushing, when he said, "It's going to be a long night!"...

Sidd: (to himself) My Swetha is sweet and there I was thinking about another woman and she was thinking about me..

He leaves the apartment and rushed to the wedding venue.

He stopped near Swetha's room and blew a kiss through the closed door and went to his room.

It was four in the morning, when he finally slept.

Scene 7: Reception hall

Sidd and Swetha stood at the dias. Swetha in a lehenga and Sidd in a Sherwani. Geetha, Mohan and Praveen stood next to Swetha and Venu, Sripirya and Harini, stood next to Sidd. Praveen making Cow eyes at Harini and Harini all the time trying to stiffle a giggle.

Steve seen clicking photographs...

The centre dias was occupied the great musician Kadri, who started to play Sax and there were varied expression on people's face. Some of them closed their eyes and waved their hands, while others, swayed their bodies and few others clapped their hand and few others trying to count something. This lasted for the first 15 mts and gradually chairs were dragged and people started to warm up and chit chatted, laughing and commenting on Swetha's Ruby necklace and Sidd's diamond ring.

People were curious about Steve and were very helpful when he wanted a piece of info. For example when Steve wanted to know, why women wear Sari and Men dothi, they put him out of his misery by stating that millions of years ago, there were no tailors and they had to wear whatever weaved. Men could cover themselves with just 4 yards, while women needed extra 5 yards to cover themselves. Steve satisfied with the answer went, only to comeback asking why they still wear such dresses, while there are tailors who can stitch. He was told not to poke his nose in things he does not have great knowledge about. Khajuraho sculptures came to his mind, but he knew better and walked away silently.

People rushed to have dinner and back to chat and finally the day came to an end and everyone retires...

Swetha: Tomorrow is another day!
Sidd: (smiling to himself) Going to be a long night!

Swetha blushed...
Friends hooted...

Scene 6: Guest room

Venu: Namaskaram Mama... Vaango! Vaango! ( Greetings uncle! please come! please come!)

Sripriya: Vaango Maami... Vaango! Vaango! (Greetings Aunty! please come! pleae come!)

(In Tamil Brahmin community, everyone is addressed as Uncle and Aunt, the criterion is that they should be 40+ or they should have been married)

Venu (Adressing everyone) : Please consider this as your kids wedding and feel at home. Please feel free to have food and even carry some home the delicacies, we have arranged especially for you all. You will have to make this wedding a success, with out your august presence, this wedding can never happen...

Steve seen clicking photographs

Sripriya: If you need something, please let me know, we will arrange it for you. We want all of you to be happy.

Aunt: Priya, your daughter is getting married and you are chit chatting here. Should you not spin like a top and be everywhere? At this age, I am so active... Look at you! the way you guys walk, looks like you have come to attend a wedding and not to host it. Venu, ask Sidd to get ready for the reception.

Venu and Sripriya rushes out...

Scene: 5 (Terrace)

Praveen: Harini, look at me, don't feel shy.. I said what I wanted to tell you, since the first day I laid my eyes on you.

Harini: (Lowering her head and shifting her legs) I don't know to say. I don't know you much. How will I know, if you are telling the truth?

Praveen: (flushed face) You don't trust me? When did i lie? Do you think, I lied to you, when I told you that, I've never seen a beautiful woman like you? Do you think, I lied when I said that even Aishwarya, can't hold a torch to you. If you think, I still lie then open this gift packet and you will know the truth.

It was because of you, I agreed for my Sis's wedding with your Bro. Swetha wouldn't have given her consent, if I did not agree. I saw you and there was this strange music in me and said Yes. With out you this wedding would have just been a dream....

Steve seen clicking photographs...

Harini, by now convinced that Praveen loves her, opens the gift box to find a beautiful necklace set with earrings and bangles...

Her eyes shining, with unshed tears, rushes to Praveen and hugs him.
Praveen taken aback for a second, wanted to pat his back and shout "Whoa! dude great job!"

Praveen: (Eyes soft) Anything for you, Baby! I love you, more than... more than...

Harini: (Suspicious) More than?

Praveen: (sucking air) More than Adam for Eve.. God created you from my ribs and I found my missing other half in you.

Harini: (Impressed) closed her eyes and smiled.

Aunt enters:
Started to sing Oh! little flower....

Embarrased, they part hurriedly, Praveen promising her that he would text her.

Scene: 4 (Bride's room)

Swetha: I kept it here only... I swear!

Geetha: Then how did it vanish? Did it fly?

Swetha: Mom, please don't be harsh with me! Do you think, I will do it wantedly?

Mohan: What's this ruckus all about?

Swetha: Dad, I kept my jewellery set, I am supposed to wear that tonight for reception and it's missing.

Mohan: Don't give me such shocks... As your mom rightly said you are careless... How careless of you to handle gold this way.

Swetha: (Smiling) Dad! it's not gold, it's artificial.

Mohan: Thank god! then leave it. Wear the Ruby set I gave you.

Swetha: Love you dad! and I don't love the woman you married (lips compressed), she is always trying to find fault in me.

Mohan: Geetha, don't be this strict to our child. She is getting married and leaving to her in-laws place.
(left wiping his eyes)

Geetha: You are this spoilt because of your dad. If you behave in such an irresponsible way when you go to your husband's place, then they will blame me only, not you or your dad. Please try to act your age, Swetha...

Scene: 3 (Bridegroom's room)

Sidd: (Talking to his friends)

Friend1: Hey! not fair Sidd.. what happened to the bachelor party, machi(brother-in-law, an endearment to a friend)! you promised but never gave one!

Best man: Don't worry man! I've arranged for everything. We are going to have a gala night! Guess what? Not just liquour party... arranged something something too...

Aunt: What party?

Sidd: (smiling): Bachelor party for my friends, aunty.. tonight... They are important to me, without them I can't even imagine my wedding...

Aunt: Oh! ok ok... make it early, I would definitely want to be there.
(Wolf whistle)

Bestman: You too! grandma.... he he... we are game... what do you say, Sidd?

Sidd: Shut up! (gnarling)... Aunty is everything here and I don't want her to stay up late tonight, tomorrow the wedding can happen with out me, but definitley not with out aunty. She needs her beauty sleep! Aunty, I have bought you a new Kancheepuram Sari, see if you like that colour. I got it specially made for you.
Aunt: (grinning) I know you want to get rid of me... You are not doing anything new which our Thyagaraja Bhagavadhar didn't do those days...

Steve seen clicking photographs

Aunt left the room singing, "Manmadha leelaiyay vendrar undo?" (which means, who can stand against the omnipotent Cupid)

Collective sigh heard.

Sidd: Steve, where are you leaving now? be with us.

Steve: I want to take lots of pictures, to show to people of my country... I am amazed at the way the weddings happen here. I just can't wait, impatient for more photographs...

Left clicking and more clicking....

Scene: 2 (Kitchen)

Chef Viswanatha Iyer, talking to his team.

Chef: Listen! Check the crowd first. If it is less, be generous while you serve them. If the crowd is more, keep a hot pan of water always ready, pour the water wherever you can but don't forget to add the spices, that way it won't show. Have an eye on the people sitting for food, attend to the most demanding lots first and flatter them nicely. People who are docile are the easiest people to handle, you can skip a delicacy or two, they will be too shy to ask. Even if you hear them asking for the second helping, walk as if you didn't hear them.
I should leave now to give instructions for 3 more weddings and I am always available in my cell phone, call me if you need anything.

Aunt: Iyer vaal... been long time since I saw you....

Chef: Please come! Please come! Aunty... But you still look the same. First time, I saw you in Ambi's wedding, it would have been almost 30 years now? You look just the same. Why don't you taste this Mysurpa and tell me how it is? Anyhow, I can never compete with you when it comes to Mysurpa.

Aunt: (Pleased, even without tasting) Delicious!

Aside: If only, I had not forgotten my dentures. You are the best of the lot! How can I forget, your dad cooked for my wedding. The milk paayasam (kheer) he made, was the talk of the town for years!

Chef (murmured to his assistant): Attend to this old woman first. If you keep her mouth stuffed, she would not create trouble and don't forget to add two aunties in every sentence.

Chef(smiling): Fine Aunty, I will take leave now. Will be back in a jiffy, Aunty. Bless me!

Aunt: My blessings always there for you son! how is your wife and kids?

Chef: Aunty, I think you are trying to joke, I know with that elephant's memory of yours, no chance that you would have forgotten this! You know I am a bachelor. You naughty aunty! still pulling my legs...(Guffaw)

Aunt: I thought you would have got married, as it was almost 10 years, since I last met you.

Chef: Without inviting you? No way! Ok! will catch up with you in half an hour's time aunty.. Feel free to ask for anything you want.. Subbu here will always be at your service. (Left... winking at Subbu)

Steve seen clicking photographs...

Venue: A lavishly decorated wedding hall in heart of Chennai.

Scene: 1 (Wedding Hall)

Aunt to the Florist: Hey flowerman! what are you trying to do? We don't use artificial flowers for weddings.

Florist (cursing): Am not flowerman! I am a florist and one among the top 3 florists in Chennai. These flowers are called Gardenia and I had specially flown it from West Indies for this wedding.

Aunt: Who is willing to hear, what I say. The days are gone when people paid heed to what I said. It's not auspicious to keep these flowers. Only Jasmine, lilies and mehendi flowers where used on those days.. When I got married, it was like yesterday, the whole dias was filled with Jasmine and Mehendi flowers and filled with their wonderful perfume.. Sigh!

Florist: (Softening, with a smile): Grandma! How old where you then?

Steve seen clicking photographs...

Aunt: Don't call me grandma.. I am Aunty to you and everyone here. I don't remember, I was barely 5 or 6 years old. It was all like a dream!

Florist: But, you said you remembered as if it was yesterday!?!

Aunt: Will you mind your bloody business? Don't try to act smart...

Florist: If only you allow me to go with my business... Sigh!

Aunt moves away...

My first attempt in writing an one-act play. Been a long dream, but was contemplating if I would do justice to this genre of plays.

Reading this would require some time and lots of patience and please feel free to leave your criticisms. I really value them and definitely take it as pointers, when I write my next play.

Intro:
The scenes are set in a Tamil Brahmin (Iyer or Iyengar) weddings, with thousands of invited guests, who make their presence felt by chatting non stop on anything and everything. Even Wiki is not as informative as our aunts and uncles of our weddings. They don't care, if they know a thing or not, they concoct lies, which are more realistic and colourful than the truth.

One day in one such wedding... Should I call it farce or clean humour? You be the judge and decide!

Characters:
Siddarth, The bridegroom
Swetha, The bride
Geetha, Swetha's Mom
Mohan, Swetha's Dad
Praveen, Swetha's Brother
Venu, Sidd's Dad
Sripriya, Sidd's Mom
Harini, Sidd's Sister
Steve, Sidd's American friend
Aunt, Anonymous, unanimous and omnipresent (No need to wonder.. they are two a penny in every wedding of ours. They drift in, rule and disappear.. their authority is unquestionable and can't be avoided.)
Kitta Mama, Chief Purohit
Viswanatha Iyer, Chief Chef
Bestman
Florist
Electrician
Photographer

Viji unplugged

Asha kalyana vaiboghamae

Epilogue - Manoj and Yamuna's wedding

Scene 12

Scene 11

Scene 10

Scene 9

Scene 8

Scene 7

Scene 6

Scene 5

Scene 4

Scene 3

Scene 2

Scene 1

A one-act play - A Tamil Wedding

wisdom comes with experience

Viji Suresh

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