Brave heart, Nirbhaya - collection of thoughts from friends

This girl doesn't need an introduction, she has become a family to us.  People call her Nirbhaya, Brave heart.    
From the day she was thrown out of that bus, her thoughts haunted every waking moment of ours.

As always, sensational journalism and dirty politics did enter.  When you google or wiki, felt sad to find "Delhi gang rape video", "Delhi gang rape photos".  I felt anger the first day and slowly sadness crept in and as time pass by am sure, this will slowly fade as other incidents.

While at it, there are few genuine hearts young and old, started to think about how such crimes can be controlled.  Though everyday girls are getting raped, few reported, few unexposed, this girl brutally thrown out of bus battered gained public attention.

Recently, a friend pointed out that a rape victim was asked to marry the person who raped her.  Our twisted idea of giving the girl justice. All those films we watched and all those serials still being aired, has their convoluted way of  delivering justice.  I am trying to control the words, rather curses from pouring out.

While all were discussing how to punish the culprits, another friend pointed out that 25 rapes happened within this time frame.  So, how are we going to put a stop to it?  How other countries face such situations?  The answer, it happens everywhere.  Even in countries, that punishes the criminals quite severe.

We are here waiting for something to happen, a miracle.  While our government clueless, like a common man praying god and our capital city populated with Police and military.  What are we expecting?  Another gang rape?  I know that by being harsh, we only try to vent our anger.  Anger is not going to stay long and it is not going to help any of us.

I mailed, texted, FB'd few of my friends.  I added a note that said:

We talk about govt not taking action to avoid incidents like rape or other serious crimes, what do you think that we can do to bring this under control? 

Probably they are clueless where to start. Feel it is our responsibility to help the government. A mail to or a message is fine. Not able to rest. 

Love and regards, 

10 of them responded.... their responses... I had given the responses, the way it was given. Not edited it.  Not disclosing their names either.  Few wanted the conversation to be kept private.

Friend 1:

I wasn't sure how to respond... What that girl went through was a nightmare...On top of that she was caught is a sea of dirty politics after her ordeal... I really appreciate the way the public (especially the young masses) is realizing the menace and want a better future but unfortunately I also see a government that is interested in handling each day as it comes with focus only on saving itself instead of trying to plan for a better future for the people around them. When I look at them, it feels like they don't and can never understand what the public needs now..

The public has told them what the issue at hand is and have suggested a few possible ways to prevent or handle such situations in the future. If the right leader was in place, I believe he can clearly understand what the demands are and can come up with numerous solutions that can be implemented in the busiest cities to the isolated villages... This is not an evil that can vanish immediately - it may need two or three generations going in the right path to flush it out.. the minds of the people are evil and there was no one to question it until is extremely deep rooted in our society (from the people in politics - the so called leaders to the people in our lives - from the rich to the poor) and there is no one to show these idiots the right path...

I believe no one solution that will solve this problem... having a strict punishment for violent crimes is a one of them but not the only solution... even the simplest crime should be understood/ acknowledged as a crime and should be handled accordingly... There should be proper education around this issue starting from within the families and to the schools and colleges... 

Friend 2:

The anger as well as the helplessness in your question is understandable and at the same time, in a very realistic and cynical view, laughable. In this past one week that the entire nation has been talking about the Delhi rape incident, with all media continuously shouting out from the rooftops about the pathetic condition that the country is in, with all the candlelight vigils and marches across the city, one important statistic is being missed out. There were 25 rapes reported in this week alone. Even with all this uproar it continues undauntedly. This is why i think your mission or anybody's mission is doomed to fail if some basic steps aren't taken. I am no expert in the matter but as everybody else, i have my two cents to share. Some of these might already have been talked by the netas and the protesters.

            1) change the basic social system: As long as there are people living in this country who still think a girl child is a drain on resources and is unwanted, the dignity and respect a woman should get will never be got. And as long as she doesnt get that, she will continue to be harassed and abused.I know this has been part of our five year plan for the country for the past half a century but this is primarily required. One suggestion i have is do something like the country of australia does. They actually had a ruling that paid out money to people to procreate,  to increase population. Go google Baby bonus and see. Something like that could be worked about here. Making the girl child desirable. i am not sure if there is something like that already in existence. If there is, kindly let me know. i too have a girl child. 

           2) Change the educational system: I am not going to talk about making girl education a priority. It is a priority and it is being done with through various campaigns. I am talking about changing the content of the educational system. bring in more values based education. I don't see any child today growing up with any sort of values. I remember having value education classes when i was in school. I am not sure if its still there in many schools and even if it was there, what is the impact of it. today's children learn their values from the movies they watch, the sitcoms they see, the video games that they play, the gossip magazines that they read, the anime that they download, the manga that they gawk over. Don't change the values. change the medium its being taken to 

          3) Stricter policing of the police: Stricter policing is something that i keep hearing about. Ya, i accept it would be great to have more police personnel density. But as the most cynical indian i can be, all that i can think of is the increase in the bribes i need to pay, the harassment increase i would be undergoing. Along with increase of police personnel, i would need a stricter policing of the police themselves. Wasnt it jus 4 days back that we read about a woman being molested by a police inspector? Bring in a law like, suspension of the Station SI where any such incident is being found to have taken place. three strikes in an area and the entire station is fired. three stations like that and that entire area ACP is fired. three areas like that and that area DGP is fired...something along those line as i am not sure about the police hierarchy. 

     4)  Faster law: Setting up of separate fast track courts is the biggest bullshit ever. So these crimes will be showcased as being processed faster? so? the common people have lost belief in the law system in the country. Their belief needs to come back. Fast track everything ( and i mean that in the actual word sense and not any other way) All citizens must feel if they take their case to court they will get justice within their lifetime and not leave the judgement of their case as a legacy for their future generations. 

    5) fire the netas: this is possibly the most craziest idea i have got. If a case of rape is reported, and their is a conviction, then that area MP and MLA should be made to resign their seat. Trust me. This will make the rapes stop almost immediately. Rape, as defined by the psychologists is a crude way of the perverts taking control or power over others. And people in India are very proud of the fact that they are "connected". From there its the next "logical" step for them to show their power. Remove the power and then see. 

that's it my two ...five cents. hope i haven't been too off the mark as always. 

Friend 3:

Based on my exposure, I feel rape is universal and common in many countries. It doesn’t happen only in India or only in Delhi.  Raping and mugging someone in public doesn’t happen only to women. It often happens to women and children because they are more vulnerable. There are many instances 
which haven’t come out to public awareness. Luckily these days, media extends its help to raise awareness to many. Rape happens in developed western countries too. In reality, If you check the real statistics, the number of rape and violence against women in India will be less compared to what happens in few other countries. But, this doesn’t mean that India is in better position.  There are many unreported incidents too in many countries. 

The prevalence of rape crisis in any country are based on women’s status of living, moral and ethical standards,  the culture, legal system and  many other factors. We cannot blame the country or its government alone for this. The government can only make a system, implement rules and regulation.  People who would involve in these are not going to stop doing these just because government has implemented system against these crimes.  Government system can only play its part to deal with the situation and can provide tougher legislation.   If necessary, we need to update the law in order to take preventive measures and to provide protection of the victims or any vulnerable people from the offenders.  My personal opinion is rape crimes can be reduced and it’s not easy to eradicate completely. 

India does have a legal system to deal with rape crimes and murder crimes. There are many incidents that has been dealt and penalized   India has its own statistics on rape and violence against women too.   These numbers are based on majority of reported cases that are been dealt with.  

First, we need to raise awareness of sexual violence towards woman and children and work towards the change.  Women’s status and equality should improve.  We can give sexual education, moral education from school.  Moreover, women and children who are vulnerable should also take their own responsibility and try to avoid going out in unsafe area and during unsafe time.   We should not forget that there are rape victims even in most developed country, however safe the country seems to be.   

If we consider certain countries where prostitution are legalized with appropriate legal system, you can see some of these crimes might have reduced to certain degree and help to improve public health too. This cannot be the only and total solution.  But, this can also be considered as part of solution to reduce rape crimes. 

The society itself should work towards change, change towards inequalities of women, harassment and violence against women and children and of course men too when it comes to rape crimes. 

Apart of trying towards the change, we have to consider the need of appropriate assistance, counselling, and specialized support for the victims and for anyone who are vulnerable.  There should be more support centers  agencies and organisation working towards these changes. Without these kind of support the change won’t be complete. 

Keep campaigning for the change…  Silence is of no benefit. 

Friend 4:

Common man is afraid of the mob.  But in fact people like them should be the ones to be afraid of the mob.

Think from the rapists point of view, though it is difficult.  It wouldn't be sexual starvation to be the reason.  Being drunk was only an enabler.  those rapists were deprived of something which they tried to satisfy. Some form of humiliation or not being respected or even as low as male ego. treat a man as an animal. he becomes the worst one u can imagine. treat a man as a gentleman, will be the perfect one.

It wont stop tomorrow or the coming year.  There is no identification process.  It's is not like a disease where you find the virus and just kill it.  I don't have a personality bio for rapists. Each one would have their own reason to do such a thing.  As far as i know, it starts at adolescence.  when a girl comes to age her mother or aunt or someone talks to her about her body and the changes.  But boys in India learn on their own.  That's OK. But, if they feel humiliated or embarrassed during this learning process it's stuck with them forever unless they can suppress the embarrassment/humiliation.  some may not even know that the guy has felt insulted.  Those are the dangerous ones.  They won't stop at one.  That's my guess so far.  I maybe wrong.

Friend 5:

A thorough education on sex and moral will help to understand women.  better forensic facility working cctv cameras will help to cuff the criminal.

The society cold/ignorant about morality.  Having sex is a game nowadays. Yes, the punishment has to be severe. But, that really doesn't curb the crime.  what may happen is the rapists will start killing their victims and cover up.  Getting bail is easy in our courts, as we have few laws with many or only loop holes.

Friend 6:

Fast track courts for speedy trial and harsh punishments and police should be taken up for lethargic probe as in most cases.  For this special law has to be enacted by 
parliament. Punishments should be like 'kasai adi' as in Singapore.

Friend 7:

No easy solutions Viji......this problem has roots in Indian culture, political system and common mans ignorance. Unsure what specific step to suggest. 

If any, I want a change at higher laws etc.  Change has to happen with people who make impression on the mind.  People like university VC cannot ban jeans, justify it and get away.

Colleges has its system of seating boys and girls separate.  Likewise buses, walkways etc. That's actually bad  and is born out of perversion. 

How will u change this? there is no quick fix I can see.

When we have sick minds at the top, sickness becomes prevalent across our system. People mentality needs to change.  In India dancing at the pubs is apparently an evil. In the film Poda Podi, the hero  is shown as being justified in thinking that salsa is a dance form not fit for his wife.

Dressing stylishly is an evil.  If at Chennai wearing lipsticks, slightly visible ones can make you a vamp, think about rural regions. 

The concept of virginity until marriage is flawed.  Actress Kushboo's plight for venturing in this topic is well documented. What support did she get for speaking up...Nothing.  We left her to her plight...Politicians...people at the helm in her party, People at the courts and us.

In India there is this huge mental block in our society, calling woman 'pathini'.  This concept allows people to comment about anyone mildly different and do it with righteousness.

In one of the "Neeya Naana" show, "City girls vs Village men", the views expressed by the boys from the smaller towns just stinks of this very same perverted mindset. This isn't surprising though, What pained me was that while the girls fought back hard, they kept referring to their limits.  What limits? who set it? and who are other people to do it for you was beyond me.  The boys came in for heavy censuring. Experts came and spoke about woman needing to select the alpha male, and taking away that freedom, which instinctively she would have done, is causing the spread of betas and lesser mortals.

Bharathiyin pudhimai pen, nijamaga vendim endral
Avalukku potta vilangugalai udaikum vendumendral
Athu aval ninaithaal mattum thaan mudiyum....

Change has to happen in the streets. In day to day life. Change is never is always accompanied with resistance, mostly internal, external ones will be there but it is the internal ones that cause the most havoc. 

Regarding Punishments, they are not a deterrent here. If anything, harsh laws will only become a tool for the police to terrorize us further.  System as a whole will misuse it. Just like the anti dowry laws, which are today nothing more than tools for extortion. Energy needs to be channelized in the right direction, not let it dissipate as anger. Winner finds a way to win. In the best possible route.

Friend 8:

Death sentence or shoot in public if you think it is a serious crime. Punishments needs to be tough.  It is not about democracy.  It is just that you can't forgive.  Sad part is this continues to happen all over the world and only very few gets attention  like this and people forget soon and move on. Its with government to educate such things right from school.  It is all about self discipline of an individual that gets grown.

Friend 9:

I personally believe that educating children about love and respect because what we have is a bitter past and we definitely need a better future.

Friend 10:

We should of course make better laws. Castration and life sentence seems like a fair punishment.  Even a small thing as harassment should be given bigger punishments.  

Somehow I feel the attitude of people should change.

May be a hotline dedicated to such complaints should be there.

And most importantly girls need to take self defense classes though they wont do much good when there is more than one rapist.

Also, there shouldn't be restrictions on timings for girls.  Girls need to stop being afraid of the dark and start living.  For that the country needs to give them a sense of security.

If there is a way to create a better breed of men, we should let the scientists work on it.

Most important, from home front we should not encourage the thought that boys are superior to girls.  There should be equality.  The more a girl treated inferior, the more the boys get the wrong opinion.

Takeaways can be:

  • Every crime should be understood and handled.
  • Girls need to stop being afraid of the dark and start living.  For that the country needs to give them a sense of security. 
  • Fire the netas; stricter policing of the police
  • Women’s status and equality should improve.  We can give sexual education, moral education from school. If we consider certain countries where prostitution are legalized with appropriate legal system, you can see some of these crimes might have reduced to certain degree and help to improve public health too.
  • Try to understand the criminals and identify the dangerous ones; educate boys the same we educate a girl at adolescence. 
  • Education on sex and moral 
  • Woman needing to select the alpha male, and taking away that freedom, which instinctively she would have done, is causing the spread of betas and lesser mortals.
-to be continued


Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard. Google

2 Candles:

Viji.. though i didnt get to answer any of these. All answers are interesting..

I like the Friend 7's answer.. just curious, as to whom it should be..

Radical thinker..

Bharathiyin pudhimai pen, nijamaga vendim endral
Avalukku potta vilangugalai udaikum vendumendral
Athu aval ninaithaal mattum thaan mudiyum....

like these lines.. though i personally dont support her/his views.. I'm no feminist or womanist.. just a average person tangled in this harsh world

Viji said...

Btw devs I still wonder why you didn't answer me. I did fb'd you. Do let menow your views.

wisdom comes with experience

At one, I learnt crawling was fun. At forty one, I still feel crawling is fun #blamemykneesnotme